love you till the end -Pogues

I just want to see you
When youre all alone
I just want to catch you if I can
I just want to be there
When the morning light explodes
On your face it radiates
I cant escape
I love you till the end

I just want to tell you nothing
You dont want to hear
All I want is for you to say
Why dont you just take me
Where Ive never been before
I know you want to hear me
Catch my breath
I love you till the end

I just want to be there
When were caught in the rain
I just want to see you laugh not cry
I just want to feel you
When the night puts on its cloak
Im lost for words dont tell me
All I can say
I love you till the end



this song gets me 'stoned' not literally..but yea...its a beautiful song

dear grandfather...

since the time i remember..i have seen u as a man of wisdom,fun and ' most wanted'.i cannot blame myself for feeling such as your the only one who never discouraged me in eating sweets and lollipops and enjoyed buying not only for me but for the whole lot of us.You never even gave me a limit of how much i could buy.thus,at that naive and tender age, u became my favorite.

As i grew up leaving behind childhood and stepping into adolescence and into the era of teenage,where most of the time i used to rebel against all odds,i didn't really see things as how it should be.But through every visit u paid..i used to listen to every story you shared and realize the different kinds of hardship a man could face in his life. i used to remember the time when u would tell us about your experience as a taxi driver and realized that all the passages and stories in my text book was actually true.As like how everyone described you,helpful,kind and genuine,i always looked at you as a man with a brave heart and wondered if i could really handle things just the way you did. I saw you always being next to your ailing son Arul in the hospital and always told my mom that i loved the way you cared for him,being a father and also his best friend during the last days of his life.the moment i was awakened by the news of Arul's death,the first thing i remember asking my father was if you were alright.and my dad said that he barely heard u tremble.I saw u handling Arul's funeral with much courage..and finally before carrying his coffin..u wailed and cried like u never did before..i could still remember that very moment..where no one could control their tears and emotions looking at how you yearned for his presence-alive.
My mom who was your favorite among all of your niece and nephews often called to check on and she always told me that you were a very brave men.i could still remember the time when u took me for my first interview in UOB in KL.I shall never forget that and i also remembered the glee that you controlled when i first told you that i have decided to continue my studies in Iinti as you wanted me to some how study instead of work. and i can still remember the time u came to my room in the hostel feeling proud. those were beautiful memories that i personally experienced with you.when Appa fell sick and was admitted in the hospital,and Chuaci were to sit for her PMR in the year 2007, everything went chaos as Appa was the only one we depended on,and despite that crucial time,u took care of Chuaci and Amma,giving her the motivation and encouraged her to stay strong and to do her exam well without any worries.. assuring her that u will look after things.i would say that you were part of Chuaci's success of scoring 7a's.because she was in such a state but u calmed her down.

on the 2nd of February 2009, it was during the time when the Chinese New Year break came to and end and i could not get a ticket back to college,Amma was after her operation and told me tht she had to attend a wedding.i told Amma that i would accompany her to the wedding as i had no choice but to stay back in Ipoh and go back the next day because the tickets were all sold out and i never regretted tht.i met you that day..all dressed up so well in the traditional dhoti and jippa,u bragged about your new clothes and the new job u got so proudly and all of us could see that blissful look u had on your face. my Amma begged you to come for Thaipusam and u said you couldn't make it as u had work.after that evening,Amma and i had a long long chat about you.she told me how much she adored you and all those things u did wen they were small kids.i took back all those things she shared with me and taught about it along my journey back to Nilai. i was so happy that i met the whole lot of our family in the wedding after such a long time.
i continued my day in Inti having a rather heavy and peculiar feeling about things.i assumed that i was to worried about my lecturers and left that feeling apart by catching up with my college mates.
the day went well after that until i received a call from Chuaci at 2 am in the morning of the 3rd of February 2009.as she inherited the strong nature of yours..she called to tell me that 'you' had passed away. i couldn't belief what i heard and i reconfirmed..and Chuaci said she would never wanna joke about things like this.i refused to belief as i saw just saw u healthy and vibrant the previous day.

'Tata passed away ma...we are rushing to the hospital now'..that's what Appa said when i called him, yearning for a solid speech for an older person. i tried talking to Amma but she was crying and i could hear her tremble leaving her speechless. it killed to remember that only few hours ago Amma spoke about how much u meant to her and the the rest of the family and then to see you lying breathless

i miss 'you' a lot Tata..to think back what i have had with you all this years and what i am going to lack in the upcoming years just makes me tear more n more.but i realized that its all god's willing and He wanted your presence there more then we do here. though i try so much..but its so hard to belief that you're no longer alive,with us.i have come to realize that nothing in this world is certain and predictable.nothing is in our hands..the memories all of us had be it personally or be it as a family,the time we spent with you can never be replaced and shall always be cherished.sometimes i see taxi's on the road and i can barely avoid recalling you and can barely control my tears..i will pray that your soul rest in peace.and that will u will have the peace and sovereignty in heaven..god bless your loved soul .



"Each person that has ever lived has had the same problem. They wanted to be remembered by everyone for what they were. To be forgotten is worse than death. People wanted to be remembered by other things than books and stories. But in the end that's all we can be remembered by. There's nothing you can do at this points but live. But when I'm to die I want to be remembered by one thing. I want people to say "He was the type of person that believed and saw the good in others even when they couldn't believe or see it in themselves." That is how I want to be remembered."

* John M. Ludwig
n

this is how you are remembered

MURUGIAH -07 MAY 1949 TO 03 FEBRUARY 2009

the beginning of the year started typically...my birthday..ntg impressive..turning 21 was like turning into a world of responsibilities,work,family,degree...speaking of being the eldest...never mind of all that..but i love the year 2009..not so much in love...like..so-far-so-good kinda love..2008 was a wreck..noting was under control..2009 made me realised the needs in life..2008 made me out of tat 'junkie' life i had...it was sick

so much to talk about the year..i noe its only been 2 months...but life has changed..from the love for psychology..i switched into mass communication..and my my..am loving it..lol
i have loads of work..mind you the assignments come as if its like a ' the prime ministers post' lol.. but the assignments are fun. not to mention having a lil best friend by my side..who keeps on reminding me about my priorities. so far it was good luck..the enrolment week was like living in the tip of a cliff..waiting to fall...then after that was dealing with the lecturers..all of this has settled now. thanks to god..and thanks to all of the people who prayed for me..

for now life seems to be heading like a dream.never taught i would enjoy the course i choose..never did i even think i would face things the way i do now.

above all..i started apprieciating every bit of my life in 2009..i never taught i would get off 2008,i never taught life wud be stady after that,i never taught i wud go through things like in 2008...amen! everything is over...and amen! am a life...